Wednesday, 11 January 2017

The Goddess Herself

I Wrote the post below when I had just come to the end of my last long(ish) term relationship, which was three years. I never published it, but reading back over the post I thought I would, it feels right to do so now. I must say that since then soooo much has happened in my life I could  write a book about it, or at least a few more blog posts haha...
"DRAMA! Who needs it, apart from actors of course? I'm no longer playing the part of a victim, life moves on - and I'm loving it!" 

   Those were the words I wrote on facebook yesterday, and I meant every word (at the time), and yet, there's still a hanging on, a clinging to the past by this man's personality. There is still an observable Victim here within this psyche whom feels sorry for himself, and saddened by the loss that he feels . . . that's only natural, isn't it? 
Well I don't know about natural as such, 
but it is definitely normal.

What loss? Just the end of yet another relationship (four long-term relationships have come and gone now), one where I was convinced she truly loved me, warts and all, and that I could rely on her being here for me, and me for her, till death do us....

But no, that's not the way the story ends - the good news? The good news, hm, is there any, really, in these situations? I guess the good news is that I know that everything will turn out just fine, and that regardless of everything else, I am not going to be shat-on from a great height this time - I'm fighting my corner - I'm not just going to walk out and have nowhere to live again.

I will move out when I have a place to live. A place to live that I'm happy with, I deserve to be in a safe, secure and enjoyable environment as much as anyone else does - regardless of what my partner does or doesn't want for herself.. The fact is I'm here because she wanted me here in her life - I didn't force myself into her life and her home, in fact she literally took me out of the life I was living so that I could be with her . . .

Oh don't get me wrong, I wanted it, of course I did, we both did, but the fact is - and it really is a fact - the personality is only interested in itself, in its own desires and it is, in truth, selfishness defined. And yes, that includes yours and mine!

For my life to work within a relationship I would require a woman who has realised this, and whom is in touch with her true nature as being, someone who has discovered Genba. Now, obviously I can't keep explaining Genba every time I mention the word, but for those of you whom know it not, and for our purposes only, let me say that Genba is the real place, which is no place at all.

Relationships, are they all they're cracked up to be, or are they simply one more emotional roller-coaster ride designed to wake us up? Interesting question that one, consider its implications....

To be in a relationship you're meant to be able to relate to one another, true? Makes sense to me, but very often people remain in relationships even after they discover that they no longer relate at all, also true? Possibly? My programming, or conditioning, tells me that one should make every effort to remain with the one you love and are in a relationship with till death do us part. That is just my programming though, it is neither true or false - although it is also a fact that some couples do indeed remain happily married together for a lifetime.

I've never been the one to end a relationship on my own, and I think we can see why - my conditioning - it tells me it's wrong. It was drilled into me as a child by my parents (my mothers words, my fathers actions), we're meant to stick together for better or for worse, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer . . you stick it out. Apparently life has been telling me otherwise! That's okay, I'm beginning to get the message.

It seems though that I won't be out of a relationship for long, my partner has already reassured me of that, I'm a good looking guy apparently and I have a lot of admirers within our dance world - that's what she tells me, and who am I to disagree? No one . . .

No one knows what will happen, I have many female friends within Ceroc, but that's all they are, I don't know them any more than they know me - we dance and chat at dance classes and freestyles, nothing more. Fact is I was with the woman I loved and wanted to be with, even though we had our differences and difficulties, well don't we all? So I would have kept working at it because that's the way I am - the way Douglas McMillan the man and person is.

She is correct though, we are probably not good for each other, somehow, without meaning to, we rub each other up the wrong way and consequently hurt each other. No more detail is required, but strangely we seem to be very good as friends - hey, that's my feeling about it anyway. I'm quite certain she'll find another man just as soon as she feels ready, as will I - no, not find a man, but hopefully, the One in female form.

"The One", I hear you ask? Yes, the One is all there is appearing as many, but when realised in female form she is The Goddess herself.

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