The Goddess Herself

I Wrote the post below when I had just come to the end of my last long(ish) term relationship, which was three years. I never published it, but reading back over the post I thought I would, it feels right to do so now. I must say that since then soooo much has happened in my life I could  write a book about it, or at least a few more blog posts haha...
   
"DRAMA! Who needs it, apart from actors of course? I'm no longer playing the part of a victim, life moves on - and I'm loving it!" 

   Those were the words I wrote on facebook yesterday, and I meant every word (at the time), and yet, there's still a hanging on, a clinging to the past by this man's personality. There is still an observable Victim here within this psyche whom feels sorry for himself, and saddened by the loss that he feels . . . that's only natural, isn't it? 

Well I don't know about natural as such, 

but it is definitely normal.

What loss? Just the end of yet another relationship (four long-term relationships have come and gone now), one where I was convinced she truly loved me, warts and all, and that I could rely on her being here for me, and me for her, till death do us....

But no, that's not the way the story ends - the good news? The good news, hm, is there any, really, in these situations? I guess the good news is that I know that everything will turn out just fine, and that regardless of everything else, I am not going to be shat-on from a great height this time - I'm fighting my corner - I'm not just going to walk out and have nowhere to live again.

I will move out when I have a place to live. A place to live that I'm happy with, I deserve to be in a safe, secure and enjoyable environment as much as anyone else does - regardless of what my partner does or doesn't want for herself.. The fact is I'm here because she wanted me here in her life - I didn't force myself into her life and her home, in fact she literally took me out of the life I was living so that I could be with her . . .

Oh don't get me wrong, I wanted it, of course I did, we both did, but the fact is - and it really is a fact - the personality is only interested in itself, in its own desires and it is, in truth, selfishness defined. And yes, that includes yours and mine!

For my life to work within a relationship I would require a woman who has realised this, and whom is in touch with her true nature as being, someone who has discovered Genba. Now, obviously I can't keep explaining Genba every time I mention the word, but for those of you whom know it not, and for our purposes only, let me say that Genba is the real place, which is no place at all.

Relationships, are they all they're cracked up to be, or are they simply one more emotional roller-coaster ride designed to wake us up? Interesting question that one, consider its implications....

To be in a relationship you're meant to be able to relate to one another, true? Makes sense to me, but very often people remain in relationships even after they discover that they no longer relate at all, also true? Possibly? My programming, or conditioning, tells me that one should make every effort to remain with the one you love and are in a relationship with till death do us part. That is just my programming though, it is neither true or false - although it is also a fact that some couples do indeed remain happily married together for a lifetime.

I've never been the one to end a relationship on my own, and I think we can see why - my conditioning - it tells me it's wrong. It was drilled into me as a child by my parents (my mothers words, my fathers actions), we're meant to stick together for better or for worse, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer . . you stick it out. Apparently life has been telling me otherwise! That's okay, I'm beginning to get the message.

It seems though that I won't be out of a relationship for long, my partner has already reassured me of that, I'm a good looking guy apparently and I have a lot of admirers within our dance world - that's what she tells me, and who am I to disagree? No one . . .

No one knows what will happen, I have many female friends within Ceroc, but that's all they are, I don't know them any more than they know me - we dance and chat at dance classes and freestyles, nothing more. Fact is I was with the woman I loved and wanted to be with, even though we had our differences and difficulties, well don't we all? So I would have kept working at it because that's the way I am - the way Douglas McMillan the man and person is.

She is correct though, we are probably not good for each other, somehow, without meaning to, we rub each other up the wrong way and consequently hurt each other. No more detail is required, but strangely we seem to be very good as friends - hey, that's my feeling about it anyway. I'm quite certain she'll find another man just as soon as she feels ready, as will I - no, not find a man, but hopefully, the One in female form.

"The One", I hear you ask? Yes, the One is all there is appearing as many, but when realised in female form she is The Goddess herself.

. . . "You're always happy these days Doug" Clive (one of the management team) commented, "you've always got a smile on your face when I see you, it's almost as if you know something that we don't" . . .

     It was a very long year, 2014, very long indeed, and any of you who read my previous blog on the subject of dysphoria will know exactly what I mean, right? Right! What has changed? Good question.

Remember Genba? I discovered a place within, I call it Genba (for want of no label at all), and this place is reflected externally as life itself. Genba is simply being, it isn't polarized, it is in equilibrium. Out of Genba, out of equilibrium, unfolds life, unfolds the joy of life itself.

The change has been gradual, but here (within this man) there is now a reflection of Genba, where previously there was none. Now there is the simplicity of being, out of which bubbles up the joy of being, and there is a natural unfolding of life. Of course a mixed bag of events and circumstances can still unfold, but where there is only being and joy there is a chance that unfolding out of that very beingness will arise a solution. One finds this to be the case.

Problematic people will still communicate problematically, and this can sometimes rub me up the wrong way, but generally speaking there is 'Genba'. The psychological and emotional pain, that at one time would linger long, lingers not; it no longer has a hold over one.

One is Genba. Where there is an 'I' or a 'me' there is problematic thinking, emotionalizing and as a consequence, problematic living. When, however, one is simply being there is simply an unfolding of life and solutions.

That is one's explanation.

Speaking as a man who has realised his limitations as individuated man, and yet also realises his vastness and Oneness as Genba, I can't promise anything. I can't say what may or may not unfold, one is also not a saint, anything can happen. What one will say is that within Genba, within the sheer joy of simply being, arises all solutions to all difficulties....

....and that's enough.

Just a moment . . .

Last Moment 

Precedent,

This Moment 

Immanent,

Next Moment 

Imminent,

Eternal Moment, 

Eminent.

Doullan - written in the moment.

. . . and if you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler. Anyway, eight inches is far better, although it's not all about size . . .

      You Can substitute the word 'manager' for another if you so choose, it works for most people in most roles in life because, let's face it, most people are completely individuated in their mindset, and therefore they see everything from an individual perspective - it can be no other way. But that's okay, the secret (if there is one) is in the seeing of all this.

  Pure anarchy is something the person-individual does not know or understand at all, it is however what exists for the wo/man discovering Genba. The need to 'be in control' will either instantly or gradually begin to dissipate, and what remains is what is. What is, whatever that may be, is seen therefore to be as it is meant to be . . . otherwise it would be different. Change, being the only constant, is going to unfold anyway, so what's the point of being unhappy about what is?

The person hates the very thought of all this, and even if it thinks it doesn't hate it, it is looking to make use of this material rather than simply be.

Simply being is not something an individual/personality can do - how could they when the person is an add on, simply a game of tag within the play of life? Therefore the person will hold on to their 'ality' with fingers of grim death rather than simply be. In fact, when the individual personality discovers ideas such as enlightenment and liberation it goes in search of them to gain something for itself, thinking there's something to be had here, but there isn't, quite the opposite in fact...

Pure anarchy, Genba and/or being is rather beautiful, but it comes with a price, have you worked out what that price is yet?

You might think of someone as square who is actually well rounded.

The conditioned mindset of the individual personality can not identify any difference between itself and the non-mindset of a pure anarchist. The pure anarchist has discovered Genba, the real place, which is no place at all, and is no longer dominated by the personality alone - yes, they still have a personality (how could it be otherwise?), but they have also discovered something all encompassing (thus also encompassing the personality). It follows then that....

It's not that there is no such thing as
enlightenment/liberation,
there is,
it's just that it isn't personal.

After liberation
Life still goes on,
exactly
as before.

   There can be indignation when dealing with persons whom are lost within their small conditioned life of attitudes, beliefs and opinions, those whom would impose such nonsense upon others with no idea how small minded it all is . . . but hey, look, even that's okay - it's what is; so don't be surprised if one day a pure anarchist tells you to fuck-off, s/he isn't being personal, it's just that they can see straight through you, and they really don't need your particular line in individuated bullshit.

The fact is that there is no such thing as personal enlightenment; it's a fallacy, a notional idea created by a mindset that's looking-searching for the unattainable . . . 

. . but when liberation comes it will be the death of you.

The end of individuation as a way of life.

So you, as a person, can not become enlightened or liberated - what would you,
as an individuated personality,
become liberated from,
yourself?

The only Freedom 
is 
freedom from the unreal, 
and 
the unreal 
is 
the individual, 
the person 
and 
the personal.

The personality will also see what I've just written as arrogant and egotistical, and that is logical enough as that is it's own nature, it will also want to do a runner asap from all this, and in so doing point the finger of blame elsewhere haha - such is its wisdom!

Wisdom? The person, being a a gathering of 'Past Living' (and nothing more), can NOT know what wisdom is. Wisdom, all of it, like intuition, is rooted deeper within . . . within Genba. 

Genba is One, it is what one is, and even with all the add-ons, eventually the realisation is that there is only one and that one is everything and everyone all at Once....

. . . as for rulers, 

those whom think they can control One, 

well good luck with that One . . .

That's about the size of it!

     . . . it was at this point that a skunk walked in, and the judge said, 'odour in the court'!! Well obviously he wasn't wrong, and how the jury laughed, but that's where the similarity ends really. No, really it does, after all most people like to be both the judge and jury . . .

     Bad Smells. Not that we need to judge the smell, but nonetheless, as a figure of speech, bad smells, the notion of the person being both judge and jury. And whom are they judging? Usually some other poor soul who is only doing their best to get by in the world . . . that's the nature of the personality. But that's just my opinion, right?

The personality knows only opinion. That's its judging mechanism my friend, opinion. That and belief - not forgetting attitude, which I didn't. Therefore, the personality, knowing only attitude, belief and opinion garnished over a lifetime of conditioning, knows nothing but its own smell, well how could it know otherwise . . . seriously? Exactly, we don't know what we don't know, and all the person/personality knows is its own conditioned attitudes, beliefs and opinions. Unfortunately, the personality is, in 99.9% of the population, dominant.

Did I say unfortunately? Yes I did, but it's neither fortunate nor unfortunate, it is simply a fact. And that is the difference. The personality, including yours, is unreliable, totally and utterly - unreliable. How could it be otherwise when all it has to base its knowledge (attitudes, beliefs and opinions) on is a conditioned mindset?

The difference? Between what exactly? The difference between the conditioned mindset of the personality and . . .

. . do you remember Genba, the real place (which is no place at all)? Well if not you can read backwards for a spell and catch up!

If actions speak louder than words then why can't you hear mime artists?

My own personality is wonderfully spiky, to the point where it can prickle with effortless ease, it knows how to rub you up the wrong way - but thankfully there are times when one see's the personality in action and in the seeing of it one instantly becomes free of it; it really is effortless, but only when it is! At other times, once my feathers are ruffled, well . . .

I've got a grapefruit matter
It's as sour as shit
I have no solutions
Better get used to it
I don't need a ship to sail in stormy weather
I don't need you to ruffle the feathers - on my Peacock Suit
I'm Narcissus in a puddle
In shop windows I gloat
Like a ball of fleece lining
In my camel skin coat

I don't need a ship to sail in stormy weather
I don't need you to ruffle the feathers - on my Peacock Suit
Did you think I should

Nemesis in a muddle
In a mirror I look
Like a streak of sheet lightnin'
In my rattlesnake shoes -

I don't need a ship to sail in stormy weather
I don't need you to ruffle the feathers - of my Peacock Suit
Did you think I should . . .

     That kinda sums up the workings of the personality. One on the other hand is free from such liabilities, but only when there are no ruffled feathers.

Back to bad smells and all that. When we judge another we do so from our conditioning, in other words it's a conditioned reaction - we see things in a particular way based on how we've been conditioned to think, and thus what we believe is right and wrong . . .

Is there an alternative? Not for the personality, no - it only knows its attitudes, beliefs and opinions, clearly. The alternative would require one  to simply be, which is of course the original place, the place one comes from, which is no place at all . . .

 Honesty.
              Let's be dead straight here.
                                              I'm a very ordinary guy and I have nothing to offer you, nothing at all. There's nothing up for grabs here. There's more . . .

Who is Doug McMillan? No one in particular, but then again . . . nor are you, although you may think you are. Then again, you may think otherwise, it matters not.

Things are not what they seem. Existence . . and all that, it's not what it appears to be, although it is an appearance. The writer of this material is, apparently, Doug McMillan . . and that is part of the appearance.

There is no Guru or teacher or teaching here - nothing. The 'ordinary' isn't even available here, and certainly there's nothing that could be classed as extraordinary - honestly.

So Doug McMillan, who is he, and who are you? Is there any difference between the two, me and you? Is there even a me, is there really a you . . . beyond some sort of mental construct? Hmmm...

Two realities collide here - in existence - but ironically . . . only one is real, which is it?

Two realities. What are they?

Before one can ask which of two realities is real one has to be able to identify the two realities, yes?

Maybe, but maybe not. The nature of this communication is mostly energetic and has nothing whatsoever to do with Doug McMillan or the reader as a personal entity.

That was a clue.

The roulette dealer had a unique personality. 

He had a different spin on everything.

The personal, which is a personal identity, a person with an individuated personality - that is one seeming reality, isn't it? It's one we all tend to believe in, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that identification. In fact there is nothing right or wrong here, nothing to like and nothing to dislike, nothing for you to love or hate - unless the person reading this chooses that option.

Honesty? Yes. This is an honest communication because it has a source of integrity. Integrity precedes honesty - integrity being that place we spoke of in our last post, Genba, remember? The real place is already integrated, whole and complete.

You'll no doubt recall that the real place is no place at all. The real place, doesn't exist in you, or me, or in the sky, the stars or  . . .

. . and yet it is all of that and more - the real place is all encompassing.

     Looking once more at honesty . . . one is an expression of Integrity, and there is only one, one is the real place. When one becomes two, three, four . . . infinitum - there's a splintering. A splinter group is formed - and that is the individuated personality.

Two fonts, Arial and Calibri, were in the midst of a bad breakup. 

Calibri said, 'I'm sorry, you're personality is too bold.' 

Arial responded, 'You're just not my type...'

We all experience existence through the individuated personality, although we didn't always do so, certainly at birth we didn't. Of course over time, since birth, the personality formed within each of us as layers of conditioning. And this layered conditioning, the individuated personality, was developing ( yes,one layer at a time) until there came a point when all you (and I) could relate to was . . . ?

That's right, it was (and still is) an incredibly insidious process, whereby the individuated personality completely masks the real (or true) nature of mankind, which is of course that which is covered over by all those years of layered conditioning - the individuated personality.

What is dishonest then? What is not real, not true - not the truth? If you've grasped this message you will already have your answer.

What is the cause of all conflict and unhappiness? The answer to all these questions has already been expressed in this Blog post.

What is honest, real and true? What is the truth, if there is a truth?

The real place, Genba (for want of no name whatsoever), is not individuated or personal. In fact the personality, being unreal, can not come to know it.

Two realities? Yes and no. One reality is false, the other reality is the real place - and no amount of seeking by an individuated person (you and I) can discover that which it is not.

One reality (the false one) is sitting on top of the other (the real place).

   Mankind lives life through the personality, and the personalities expression in existence is mankind's world, which in turn sits on top of the earth in the same way that the individuated personality sits on top of the real place . . . which is of course no place at all.

Each of us came out of the real place into existence, but we brought it with us, we didn't leave it behind, how could we, it's what you and I are? It's what everything (and nothing) is; yes, it is all encompassing.

What you think you are is simply hardened layers of conditioning, which is the individuated personality - but you also have moments of freedom from all that conditioning, don't you? We all do. One of these realities is wonderful, the other is a spoiler. The life we live is a mix of these two realities, and the only thing that can destroy the wonder of life is that reality which is no reality at all.

One could go on, but that's enough Honesty for now.

Genba . . all that matters

     We personalise the mind don't we, you and I? Yes, one does.That said, you might suppose that, in your opinion, what I've just written is nothing more than my opinion - but is it? Are there alternatives to having an opinion? There may well be when . . .

When? When one no longer personalises the mind perhaps? Perhaps, but how would one do that? Is it possible to simply be without being attached to the mind, it's content, it's belief system, attitudes and opinions . . . it's conditioning?

Plenty of questions there, a pretty bundle in fact, and one has to look to answer them - if it's possible. Actually, sometimes a question is in itself the answer in that it sets cognitive wheels in motion that lead, seemingly inexplicably, to answers . . . even the solution.

So, questions, I'll be asking them, you should let them sink in, sink into your psyche, into the depths of the mind, infinitely deep and beyond - into beingness, the nothingness within where all the answers reside, and then beyond the polarity of Q&A into the solution, the one solution.

I'm not attempting to be mysterious here. This isn't some mystical mumbo-jumbo, this is a practical prison-break, a break out attempt for anyone who may have an inkling, or a restless feeling that they are in fact locked away in a psychological-emotional prison.

One will answer the questions that arise here within the pages of this blog, but sometimes the answer will simply be a finger pointing towards the solution . . . in fact one has been pointing to the solution from the very start, you may or may not have noticed. If not, then, when the time is right and not before, you will - especially if you re-read this material from time to time.

What one is doing here is pointing you home, and home has a name here, one calls home Genba, for want of a better name, and if you follow the Genba link you'll discover why.

The truly enlightened have homes 

with two Karma garages.

   One is not concerned with any notional ideas of enlightenment or liberation etc here, no, nor is one going to talk 'Karma' you can park all those ideas away in one or two of your Karma garages. This subject matter, being no subject matter at all, resides beyond all of the known ideas of the mind and takes you to Genba. 

   Don't get lost in words. That's all they are. Words are only pointers, especially when one is on a return journey to a place where words are not, so to speak, and are without any necessity whatsoever. Genba is like that, it is the real place, and yet it is no place at all - and this real place can not be imagined, although no doubt the prisoner will attempt to do so, to imagine the unimaginable.

And what of time and space? What of them? Like I said, one doesn't have any interest in such concepts, whatever one needs to know one knows as and when one knows it....

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

That's it. And space? That's where it's all happening one moment at a time - so don't get all hung up about it (smirk).

But what of consciousness, that annoying time between naps? That's all it is, so why be concerned with it? Seriously, one  certainly doesn't, and one should know because one is already Genba. That was another finger pointing moment, did you notice it? On the other hand . . .

. . you have different fingers. You can use those fingers for oh so many things, including putting two up at this blog if you so choose, it's no big deal, none of it is, you only think it is (or not) - and that's another pointer; you think and therefore you think you are. You quite simply think yourself into existence as an individuated being.

Not that that's a bad thing, it isn't, there is no right or wrong here, no good or bad at all, except of course when thinking makes it so.

What of Truth? Reality? One may bandy such words about from time to time, but not all at once, to help make a point, but don't count on it, you see, all that matters is beyond words and descriptions, but we'll eventually get there, to that place.